


Broken

by Jarajoelle



Series: Saphael drabbles [4]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Asexual Character, Asexual Raphael Santiago, Asexuality, Biromantic Raphael Santiago, Bisexual Simon Lewis, M/M, Magnus Bane (mentioned) - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-18
Updated: 2019-03-18
Packaged: 2019-11-23 23:52:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,121
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18158702
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jarajoelle/pseuds/Jarajoelle
Summary: “Yes, you should leave Simon. No one wants to be with someone like me.” Raphael muttered when he had calmed down, he was no longer looking like he could pass out any second but he was a bit whiter than usual so they had to get some blood into him. He detangled himself from Simon and sat faced towards the door, Simon stayed seated next to him.“Someone like you? What do you mean?” Simon looked at him with confusion, it wasn’t a look that Raphael noticed because he was staring into the room.“What do you think I mean, Simon.”“Someone like you, do you mean smart? Or beautiful? Or cool? Or a vampire?” He had hoped to get a small smile as a reward, or at least a fond roll of the eyes. But Raphael didn’t respond like that in any way.“Asexual, Simon. Broken.”





	Broken

“Raphael?” Simon entered the hotel, the moonlight casting his shadow on the floor in front of him before he closed the door. 

“Have you seen Raphael?” He asked one of the vampires that were walking around the place. 

“I believe he’s in his room.” Simon nodded and made his way to Raphael’s room. He had a bad feeling, it made his head spin, it made his skin crawl, it made his mind run a thousand miles an hour. He knocked on the door before opening it. The room was dark and warm. It always reminded him of the person it belonged to. 

“Raph?” Simon looked around the room with Raphael nowhere to be found. He walked to the bathroom to check there but the door didn’t give when he pulled at it. 

“Raph, babe, are you okay?” When Simon didn’t get a response, he started to fear the bad feeling he had might have been justified.

“Baby, come on. Open the door.” Simon heard a whimper from behind the door.

“Love, I just want to make sure you’re okay. Open the door for me please?” Simon whispered. He didn’t want every vampire who walked past the door of Raphael’s room to hear them.

“No, I-I can’t,” Raphael whispered from behind the door.

“Why can’t you baby?”

“I just can’t Simon.”

“Please, just do it for me, babe. _Please_.” Simon begged with the last word. The feeling had only gotten worse upon hearing Raphael respond. Simon heard the door click off the lock but Raphael made no move to open the door. When Simon opened the door he saw his boyfriend sitting against the bathtub on the ground. He was looking as if he was breathing heavily, knowing that for anxiety it didn’t matter if you breathed or not, Simon could see the blood streaks of his tears. 

“Baby, hey,” Simon sped forward and gathered Raphael in his arms. “what’s wrong? What happened?”

“N-nothing. It-it’s just me b-being st-tupid.” Raphael gasped out against his hands clasped together in front of him.

“Baby, nothing that makes you feel like this is stupid.”

They sat together in the silence for a while.

“Yes, it does, you should leave Simon. No one wants to be with someone like me.” Raphael muttered when he had calmed down, he was no longer looking like he could pass out any second but he was a bit whiter than usual so they had to get some blood into him. He detangled himself from Simon and sat faced towards the door, Simon stayed seated next to him.

“Someone like you? What do you mean?” Simon looked at him with confusion, it wasn’t a look that Raphael noticed because he was staring into the room.

“What do you think I mean, Simon.”

“Someone like you, do you mean smart? Or beautiful? Or cool? Or a vampire?” He had hoped to get a small smile as a reward, or at least a fond roll of the eyes. But Raphael didn’t respond like that in any way.

“Asexual, Simon. Broken.” His eyes shifted away from the room and onto his hands. The blood from his tears was smeared all over and he stood up to wash it off. 

“Love, you’re not broken. And I’ll remind you of it as many times as you need me to.” Simon stood up and walked over to stand behind him, while he washed his hands. As soon as Raphael’s hands were clean he grabbed a washcloth to clean his face. Running it under the cool water, not like he would notice the temperature.

“Yes, I am. I know it. Everybody says so.” The word _everybody_ made Simon look at the expression on Raphael’s face a bit more. Trying to guess who made him feel like that.

“Who made you think like this?” Raphael didn’t answer.

“Love, who made you feel like this? Like you’re broken? Because you’re not. Your sexuality doesn’t make you broken. It makes you different, yes, but so does my sexuality.” Raphael rolled his eyes at Simon through the mirror, still cleaning the almost dried up blood streaks.

“Please, just tell me who made you feel like this?”

“Camile.” Raphael stopped his movements with the washcloth and cast his eyes down.

“That bitch. First, she breaks Magnus and she hurts you too.” Simon ran a hand through his hair, something he did when he was stressed or angry as hell. Then he told himself to calm down and placed a hand on Raphael’s shoulder. He turned him around.

“But babe look at me,” Simon took Raphael’s face into his hands and made him look into his eyes. “You’re a beautiful mess and I wouldn’t want you any other way. Your sexuality doesn’t bother me, it’s who you are and just like how my bisexuality doesn’t bother you. You’re not broken. There are so many people who have the same thoughts as you do, you’re not alone in this. But you’re not broken and neither are they. But everybody is just figuring themselves out, that takes some time. And sometimes people don’t want to feel what they are feeling or they want to feel even though they don’t. But that doesn’t make you broken. You’ll figure it out and settle on a label. And if you have to go through a few labels, so be it. I’ll be there every step of the way.” Raphael looked away from Simon’s face, eyes turned to the floor.

“Remember when you wanted to try a kiss. I was all for it, but I also knew that if you weren’t comfortable with it, that it wouldn’t happen again. And I still wanted to try, I still wanted to help you, to make you feel as comfortable as I could when you tried something new. When you explored a bit more of your sexuality.” Raphael looked back up at Simon, eyes full of love and adoration, he would love to cry if it didn’t hurt nor drain him so much. 

“And remember when you first told me? It didn’t matter that we wouldn’t have sex then, nor will it start to matter in the future. Every time you feel insecure, I’ll be here to tell you that you’re loved for being who you are and I’ll tell you that you’re not broken. I’ll tell you time and time again, that your asexuality doesn’t bother me. I’ll keep telling you that I’ll stay until you believe it.” Simon smiled down at Raphael.

“I love you,” Raphael whispered, collapsing into Simon’s open and awaiting arms. Simon smiled and ran a hand through Raphael’s hair, making it a mess. Then he pressed a kiss to Raphael’s temple.

“I know, I love you too.”


End file.
